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| Ring The Bell! |
| 05.20.04 (3:28 pm) [edit] |
[b]I feel that if I go one on one against the landlady's boy toy, I'd come out with less injuries. He's 80-something and slightly crazy. I am quite tired but clever... like a fox with insomnia...[/b]
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| You, Me and Cheap Champagne Served In A Skull |
| 05.15.04 (10:10 pm) [edit] |
[b]I woke up this morning and said "Fuck it, I'm staying in my pajamas." My hands have that sultry chicken pox look thanks to little glider nails, my hair has that haven't-showered-since-Th ursday texture and woo, my complexion shouts "Look into the light that is caused by the sun reflecting off my blindingly white skin!". No sun damage here folks, I love my sunscreen with a high SPF. Hot stuff, comin' through! Tell me now, is there anything classier or flashier than cheap champagne in a cup shaped like a skull? Oh I think not my friend! Yes, I am everything you've ever wanted and more but contain yourself.
As soon as I can silence the song in my head and the thunder outside, I am going right to bed.
Play nice.[/b]
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| "Into this world we're thrown" |
| 05.13.04 (4:00 pm) [edit] |
[b]There have been a few wicked storms this past week. Thunder, wind, rain, the works.
Haven't been in a good mood lately. Too many things are going wrong, need to fix 'em all. No desire for conversation either.[/b]
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| Cue Donnie Darko |
| 05.09.04 (4:48 pm) [edit] |
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[b]This will most likely be old hat by now if it is true, (damn speedy internet and me hearing by word of mouth), but aparently David Bowie believes he is being stalked... by a large pink bunny. True or not, I couldn't not mention it. [/b]
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| Smokey Is Now Just A Bear |
| 05.09.04 (11:43 am) [edit] |
[b]Day 3, no cigarettes. I'm on the patch and am chewing on licorice root as well as drinking some sort of weird tea from the health food store. So far I've only pitched one fit in the privacy of my own living room. This lil' lady ain't a happy camper.
Sticks of Doom aren't allowed in my presence for a while simply because I really don't trust myself enough to not tackle a smoker and steal their cigarette. ("Distract thy self, woman!")
I still can't believe I'm chewing on a stick.[/b]
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| Momma Dearest |
| 05.09.04 (11:14 am) [edit] |
[b]My mother is perhaps the nicest person I will ever encounter, hell, the nicest person most would ever encounter. She is also by far the quirkiest. (She puts up with me, therefor she must be amazing.)
Happy Mother's Day.[/b]
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| Well, Hello Dolly! |
| 05.06.04 (8:31 pm) [edit] |
[b]Days seem to be going by quicker recently. One minute the clock says 1, the next it says 11.
As stated by seemingly everyone that knows me, this is my resting time. I went overboard and now I'm feeling it. This is a lesson, when feeling better STILL take breaks- there is no need to have a repeat. I was out and about for 6 months, now I've been resting for over a year.
It is very difficult to remember how it felt to be able to do a flight of stairs without cringing and/or stopping halfway up. I know I've done it, I swear I did but I just can't remember. Memories of the good times somehow seem to be ruined by the present situation... why?
However, through this god awfull observation, I have to keep in mind that I do feel better. Cycles in a way and the good bit should be coming around any week now.
I understand that this won't go away, I understand that the pain will always be there and I'm starting to understand that I need to cut myself some slack.
Subject jump in 3 2 1.
Bijou and Livvie are happy campers except for when I wake them up. (Just changing the water ladies.) Here is a photo of Bijou:
[image]BriteBronte_983415 90.jpg[/image][/b]
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| How Ice Became A Foe |
| 05.04.04 (5:59 pm) [edit] |
[b]Ice chips are not my friend. In fact, some are out to get me... ice or my ability to swallow.
I must have offended ice in my "... on ICE!" post and for that I apologize.
Maybe now I can drink a cool beverage without the fear of an ice chip related death looming over my head.
That is all.[/b]
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| The Ebb and Flow |
| 04.29.04 (11:29 pm) [edit] |
[b]After a giant rant and a small rampage, I am calm enough to sit my ass down in front of a computer screen... and I really have little to say.
This is the time of change for, well, me.
1. Smoke less
2. Let go of past
3. Confront those little abandonment issues
4. Strive for 'focused and peaceful' instead of letting 'erratic and chaotic' be the theme
I've already started smoking less and I'm meditating more. Kudos to me.
I think that the biggest issue will be the abandonment one and will require more than just what me alone can do. My mode of operation is pretty much to not allow anyone to get close to me with very few exceptions, most of which eventually came back to bite me on the ass. I cut ties often to cut the chances of that happening down. I'm not outstandingly happy nor am I morbidly depressed but I realize that the way that I'm living could greatly improve.[/b]
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| Pay No Attention To The Girl Behind The Black Clutch |
| 04.24.04 (8:37 pm) [edit] |
[b]Have you ever been so tired that it began to feel as if your face was sliding down your skull? I've checked the mirror multiple times today. This chair is hurting my ass and I want a slice of pumpkin pie.
One of the burdens of not going on to a university like most of your graduating class is the occasional impromptu catching up conversation in the middle of the bookstore/coffee shop/diner/etc. They come back looking a bit scruffier, almost worldly in some strange twilight zone sort of way and instantly you know you have two options. Option one is to be a grown up and say hello back when they wave you down, you have a cup of coffee, smoke a cigarette and talk about what's new and what's old, then go off on your seperate paths and never see them again. Option two is to be honest, you're not a grown up and you're dreading seeing them again. You grab your purse, hold it over your face and run like hell. Cowardly? Of course, but what did you expect? They're moving on and you're number 29876 in the waiting room of life. You'd be pretty much the same to them, only this time you're not on your way to class. You're not really on your way to anything.[/b]
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| Somewhere Across the Maze |
| 04.23.04 (1:44 am) [edit] |
[b]As previously stated, I hate the Newark Airport... but that was my destination yesterday. Bijou, the new joey, was arriving and I was going to meet her. After doing three circles around the labyrinth to get into the right parking lot, we scrambled to find the right desk inside the airport. I'll skip specifics and just say I have sympathy for the mouse in the maze trying to find the cheese, I was the mouse and Bijou was the cheese. Keep in mind I'm sick and tend to have anxiety attacks when surrounded by people for the extra frustration. It took 40 minutes to find the desk (nobody knew where this damn desk was) and then another 20 to find the car. They had her kennel wrapped up with more jazz than a Christmas tree, it was fun unwrapping the box when I got home.
I opened the box to see the sweetest little face peeking out at me. Yep, that's Bijou. The tension was lifted and now it was smooth sailing from here on in.
... but then it wouldn't be my luck!
Nope, Bijou is so tiny that she slithered right out of her cage while I went to prepare dinner for the two of them. After I found her I had a decision to make, put them together or put her in the mesh cage that she could chew through? I decided on the former and watched oh so carefully, this was breaking every rule in the book. They could fight, Livvie could injure or kill Bijou, etc. Livvie is older and twice the size of Bijou! My worries were valid ones, however, they decided to break the rules as well- right now they're cuddled up and fast asleep. The introduction process took 5 hours instead of 5 weeks. Livvie is being good and even took a bitch slap from Bijou without reacting, Bijou is calmer and appears to be enjoying the company.
Me? My nerves are shot and my body is hurting but I'm starting to relax thanks to grandpa's remedy for anything: a drink. No worries, I'm being careful.[/b]
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| ... |
| 04.22.04 (10:39 pm) [edit] |
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[b] :shock: I hate the Newark Airport.[/b]
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| Photo |
| 04.21.04 (3:58 am) [edit] |
[b]Captured a few days ago, Olivia decided to get cuddly in her apple treat holder thing. I thought it was funny that she's holding the mealie like a cigar, seconds later though it was being eaten...[/b]
[image]BriteBronte_495435 048.jpg[/image]
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| Break On Thru To The Other Side Sister Christian Hail Hail Hail |
| 04.21.04 (3:45 am) [edit] |
[b]Yep. The title fits the mood. Anyho, some kibble and bits:
- I am a Yo-Yo. A flesh yo and Delta Burke will end up playing me in a movie if I ever get off my ass and cure cancer. Really, it was debated the other night. I'm the femme in the friendship. The yo thing...
- As I've openly admitted to D, I need to get laid. I have gone from no sex drive at all to "Do me now!" and really, I'd like to smack the pharmacy upside their pharmacutical head for not warning me. I was thisclose to asking a male friend for a mercy fuck. A gay male friend at that. See, I don't want to start up again because a) I'm pretty sure my sex drive will die soon and b) I don't want to deal with the before and after sex conversation.
And now to jump subjects again:
- Have been busy puttering around with my stomach problems acting up again. I have found the wonders of oatmeal and I wonder how people actually enjoy it.
- Olivia has made big steps recently with trusting me. She was out, heard a loud noise and ran to me for safety. *enter warm fuzzies*
- Tis the season for shedding. I'm finding more cat hair than ever. They're both doing very well and are happy.
- It is hot as hell in this room.
- New joey coming this or next week.
That's about all I'm going to say for now, take care.[/b]
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| .... on ICE! |
| 04.07.04 (11:55 am) [edit] |
[b]Since everything is better when done on ice, here are a few things I'd like to see:
The A-Team... on ICE!
Texas Chainsaw Massacre... on ICE!
One Life to Live... on ICE![/b]
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| Mumble Rumble |
| 04.03.04 (1:43 pm) [edit] |
[b]The interview went very well, I had a great time talking with her. The joey will either be coming the 3rd or 4th week of April and I am excited.
Livvie has had more energy since I began putting the vitamins and calcium in her food. I put it in her pear puree since that's what she usually goes for first, however, last night she couldn't wait to get her little hands on the mealworms.
Both cats are sleeping on me at the moment, purring to high heaven.
In human news, I'm one happy girl today. My back is screaming and the trigger points on my chest are acting up but other than that, I'm dandy.[/b]
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| It Takes Two Baby |
| 04.02.04 (10:49 pm) [edit] |
[b]Tomorrow, well technically today, I have an interview with a breeder about getting a second glider. I hate leaving Livvie alone in there when I need sleep and she's awake and wanting to play, they're social by nature and I feel that she needs another glider in there at her level. It'll most likely take a while for them to get adjusted to eachother without tearing eachother to shreds so I will be very cautious and maybe a little over protective.
Tada! Clear(er) photo of Livvie:
[image]BriteBronte_901034 772.jpg[/image]
... why am I not sleeping?[/b]
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| Just When I Thought It Was Safe... |
| 04.02.04 (7:28 am) [edit] |
[b]that little bugger figured out how to open a door. I was going to take a nap when I feel something land on my stomach, and staring right at me was Livvie, the sugar glider. After a fun game of hide and seek, I found her sleeping in the sleeve of my shirt in the laundry basket. I can hear the "Aww"s from here.
Now I need to find a way to keep the little door closed when I'm not there.[/b]
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| "So Let's Sink Another Drink" or America Wears Too Much Mascara |
| 04.02.04 (5:52 am) [edit] |
[b]Yes, I quoted Billy Idol. Shush. He's in[i] my[/i] Holy Trinity. With that being said, for the love of all things holy, take this for what it is: the ramblings of a drugged up, screwed up, half crazed 19 year old who is very tired to boot. My opinions are just that, my opinions.
I'm not perfect nor am I a good role model, but I've never claimed to be either. I'm not the scum of the earth, oh no, I just wouldn't want anyone to follow my example. I smoke, I indulge in the occasional beer, I don't have a gym membership, I watch too much television, I curse like a sailor, forget to floss every time I brush my teeth, can be rude and loud as well as blunt, don't always get the joke, forget birthdays almost religiously and have no qualms with sitting back with a friend and watching porn. Wait... hold on, did I just describe most of America?
While watching the news, I often tend to think of the US as the whiney girl in the bathroom touching up her already immense amount of makeup to cover her flaws. She gossips like crazy, goes to every party, is surrounded by drama and is the center of attention in that watching a catastrophe happen in slow motion sort of way. I wish I could say all she needs is a hug, but what she needs is therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. Perhaps even a colonic.
- Brite, US citizen since 1984, shaken- not stirred. Served best when chilled, goes well with spam.[/b]
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| Sap For Slap |
| 03.31.04 (12:40 am) [edit] |
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[b]I really do hate this new med. I swear it makes me stupid. I spent a good chunk of time slapping my face doing the "arm test". (You hold your arm up with the other (you're laying down) you let go and see if you can hold your arm up on its own. I failed.) I feel like I could watch The Wall and find deep meaning instead of the usual reaction. *makes the over my head motion*[/b]
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| Or Is It? |
| 03.30.04 (12:31 pm) [edit] |
[b]I am so unhappy today and I can't put my finger on why that is. Everything that I've been waiting a year and a half for happened yesterday, I should be dancing around on top of the world. I haven't cried yet, thankfully, but I am holding back. If I start I fear I will not stop.
Time for a distraction:
I just watched a commercial for Tampax Tampons where three women are deserted on an island. They spell out with their superior tampons a message on the shore. "Send Help"? No, no no no. "Send Tampax". Then they rush the dropped box.
... What?!
Now, if I were stranded on an island, the last thing I think I'd worry about is my cycle... but that could just be me.[/b]
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| Happiness Is Busting Out All Over |
| 03.29.04 (2:02 pm) [edit] |
[b]Make with the parade, my parents are officially divorced! What a fan-fucking-tastic day! (Seriously, none of this is sarcasm- I am so damn happy right now) After a panel of lawyers, four appearences in court and 12 years of hell, the nightmare is over.
Let the good times roll:
Half the sale of the house. Can I get a hell yea?
$15,000 for furniture. Can I get a hell yea?
A lawyer for me, paid for by him. Can I get a hell yea?
A trust fund for me. Can I get a hell yea?
A house in Florida when he dies. Can I get a hell yea?
His ass nailed to a wall. I said, can I get a hell yea?
Now, this might sound cruel to be rejoicing about but really, its been 12+ years in the making. He is a bastard who treated us both like hell run over twice by a tractor so I think a little "Hell yea!" is not only fine but required today. All in all, my mom is happy. I am happy. She's getting what she deserves as is he.
Good night, sleep tight, shake hands with the boogeyman.[/b]
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| And The Cheese Stands Alone |
| 03.26.04 (8:38 pm) [edit] |
[b]Can o Worms, all the bug and none of the squirming- softer and easier to digest for the sugie sug.
I slept all damn day, which was nice but not intended.
Not much going on here, eh.[/b]
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| Feelings Woah Woah Woah Feelings |
| 03.23.04 (8:51 pm) [edit] |
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[b]Down, down down down. Down.[/b]
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| I Will Zap You With My Mighty Lazer Eyes |
| 03.22.04 (10:52 pm) [edit] |
[b]Am not feeling as disconnected as before, so hoorah. I've been getting into a nice little routine but my sleep has been odd. I'll go to sit for a second and end up taking a long nap. I still get everything done, I'm just sleeping more than I used to. I was able to run on three or four hours a night, now I sleep from 3am til 9am, end up crashing for an hour or two around 4pm then the cycle repeats.
Since this is recording my ups and downs, I'll also add that my jaw has been hurting but I've been getting migranes and those two go hand in hand with me. I started this to try and find a pattern with the hopes that maybe I can get a handle on my illness. So far, no real pattern but I'm working out a lot of things going on in my mind, so all is not lost.
I hate the lamp in my living room. It doesn't go with anything. Alone, it is a nice lamp but in here it looks horrible. It could be the lack of decor.
Blank now.[/b]
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